Monthly Archive

Today I made a concession to getting older.  Notice I didn’t say old, I said older.  I will turn 39 in two days and refuse to believe that is old by any means.  But I will admit it’s older and I won’t ever be 18… or even 21… again.  Not that I would want to be, of course.  I didn’t know half the things I do now then.  I am much more comfortable in my own skin now.  When I turned 30 mom told me I would love my 30s, they would be a time of getting to really know who I am and liking that person.  And she was absolutely right.  Now as 40 quickly approaches, I hope she has some sage words of wisdom for me about that decade of my life.  I’m not looking forward to turning 40 next year.  I don’t feel anywhere near 40.  Not that I know what it’s supposed to feel like, but I’m not there yet. 

But I digress…. back to the concession to getting older that I made today.  That’s what I started to tell you all about about.  (No, that’s not early onset senility, it’s just my adult ADD kicking in.)  For the past week I’ve noticed that the text on my computer screen is a bit fuzzy if I’m at my computer for too long.  And I’ve noticed I have to lean closer to the screen to focus on it.  Several years ago at my last eye exam the optometrist recommended I wear reading glasses.  (Not a surprise, as my mom, brother, and sister all need either glasses or contacts to correct their vision.)  I haven’t worn them… partly out of vanity and partly because I just never took the time to try them out and get used to them.  So today I broke down and bought some reading glasses.  I actually have them on as I type this and the difference is great.  Ok, so they are driving me nuts but that’s just because I’m not used to them.  I suppose it’s time to admit they are helpful and just bite the bullet and get used to them.  ::: sigh ::: 

Some of you won’t get why this is a big thing… but those of you who read my blog regularly or my sister’s will understand.  We both have a relationship with dad that could be described as conflicted.  He hasn’t called me since my 16th birthday almost  exactly 23 years ago.  Any time we talk on the phone I call him.  For the past 23 years that’s how it’s been. 

I had called him today to tell him something and got the answering machine.  I didn’t bother leaving a message because I wasn’t sure he was even in town.   But about 15 minutes later my phone rang and it was dad.  I was surprised and pleased.  He did try, he did make an effort, by picking up the phone.  It made me smile.

Now, I have to share what I was calling my dad to tell him.  My step sister is pregnant and the baby is due in early July.  I had a dream the night before last that I was in town visiting and I was holding the baby.  And the baby was definitely a girl.  The fact I dreamed about  my step sister is odd to begin with, since we’re really not that close.  And I thought it was interesting I would dream that the baby was so definitely a girl.  I really haven’t given much thought to the gender of the baby at all.  So I called dad just to share this odd thing with him.  Imagine my surprise when he told me a recent ultrasound showed the baby is a girl.  Of course, I had a 50% chance of being right, but I just thought the whole thing was odd. 

As any of you who read my blog regularly, or the blogs of my sister, mom, and aunt, you know how close our family is.  We are always up to date on what’s going on in each other’s lives.  And today I was was thinking about the fact I am thousands of miles away from my mom, sister, brother, and nieces and nephews.  I miss them.  I don’t belong thousands of miles away.  I belong there on the west coast with them. 

When I moved away a year ago, I really did have my reasons for doing it.  And it was something I felt I had to do because I knew I would regret not doing it more than I would ever regret doing it.  And I would have regrettednot having taken the chance I took.  But I don’t regret the move, even though I can’t wait to get home.  It served a purpose and taught me a lesson, so there is no reason to regret it at all.  Any experience, good or bad, is not wasted time if you learned a lesson from it. 

This experience, being so far from home, taught me that I need to be be geographically closer to my family.  This is the second time in my life I’ve tried to move thousands of miles away.  (The first time was at 19 and I moved to Connecticut for a year.)   I was homesick that time, too, and couldn’t wait to move home.  The lesson has finally sunk in this time… I am just not meant to be so far from home.  Yes, I mean home where my heart is.  But I’ll be there soon and all is well…