Brooke’s Musings

Some things are just too unbelievable to have been fabricated.  I came across this news story recently and was flabbergasted. 

http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/21882976/

In a nutshell, a 13 year old girl “met” a boy online who supposedly lived nearby and they began to correspond and struck up a cyber-relationship.  According to her parents, her online activities were well monitored by them and they took precautions to protect their daughter from the dangers of meeting people online.  After a period of time, the young man ended the cyber-relationship with the girl and apparently made some very nasty comments about her to others.  This hurt her deeply and she committed suicide.  This part of the story is very tragic and my heart truly goes out to her parents.  But what makes the story so unbelievable and wild is that the boy was never real… he was fictitious.  He was made up by the mother of a former friend of the girl who died.  The mother said that she was only trying to find out what this young lady was saying online about her own daughter.  My reaction to reading that was “What?!?!” 

This mother, an adult, should have known better than to play those kinds of games with a 13 year old child!  She should have known better than to play with this girls emotions this way.  SHE is the adult… SHE had the responsibility to act like one and she failed miserably at that.  And she says she doesn’t feel guilty.  In the article the girl’s father is quoted as saying “They sent us a letter in the mail, basically saying that they might feel a little bit of responsibility, but they don’t feel no guilt or remorse or anything for what they did.”  I find that absolutely unfathomable. 

The girl’s parents are discussing with local authorities just what laws the woman broke and just what she can be charged with.  It’s been difficult to sort out since unfortunately stupidity and irresponsibility aren’t illegal. 

With Thanksgiving being tomorrow, I thought I would list one thing I’m thankful for for each year I’ve been alive… That means 39 things… so here goes.  (These are in no particular order)

I am thankful for…

1.  My wonderful, loving, and wee bit strange family
2.  My wonderful, loving, and wee bit strange friends
3.  My phone (It keeps me connected to those family and friends)
4.  E mail  (It also keeps me connected to those family and friends)
5.  My job/career
6.  My health
7.  The role of God in my life
8.  My pets
9.  My ability to see that things may not be what I’d like them to be, but they *will* improve
10.  The kindness of strangers
11.  The fact I can keep a roof over my head and food in my refrigerator when some people can’t
12.  The fact I have decent health insurance when some people don’t
13.  The fact I can cook well
14.  The fact I have great supervisors at work
15.  The fact I have skills I can use to help others both at work and on medical missions
16.  My intelligence
17.  Sunshine
18.  Rain… we need it for rainbows
19.  The zoo… I love to watch the animals
20.  Flowers
21.  My great apartment that I really like
22.  The fact I got my car back more quickly than I first expected to when it broke down
23.  Pictures of my friends and family to remind me of good times
24.  My amazing, strong, funny mother
25.  My amazing, strong, funny sister
26.  My amazing, strong, funny aunts
27.  My sense of humor
28.  My strong work ethic I learned as a child
29.  The fact my parents taught me strong values and a good sense of right and wrong
30.  The fact I’ve never done anything I’m *truly* ashamed of
31.  My love of music
32.  My love of reading
33.  My photography skills, as weak as they may be
34.  The wonderful pure glycerin soaps I discovered a few months ago
35.  Chocolate
36.  The great staff I work with at work
37.  My amazing, funny, wonderful nieces and nephews
38.  The beach… it’s calming and soothing to me
39.  My patients at work over the years who have taught me what really matters, and what doesn’t

A Happy Thanksgiving to all of you and yours!

Now, it seems common sense that no person is a punching bag… ever.  Right?  Well, we all know it does happen.  What the general public may not know is just how often nurses are manhandled.  And what little action is taken about.

In the past 10 years  I have been kicked in the chin, bitten, punched, had my breasts grabbed, and had things thrown at me … all by patients.  And each time it’s been a case of “Well, they’re confused, they don’t know what they’re doing.”  So I’m expected to just take it.  I’ve spoken with many other nurses and they’ve concurred that is always the attitude when they’re assaulted.  (Yes, this kind of thing IS assault.)  Not once have I spoken to a nurse who pressed charges against a patient for this or really in any way held them responsible for their actions.  Virtually every nurse I’ve spoken to on this subject has said they would receive virtually no support from their hospital’s administration were they to do that. 

Now, I’m not saying I think the 85 year old little woman who bit the hell out of my arm or the 75 year old man who kicked me in the chin should be arrested on assault charges and go to court and/or jail.  I’m not saying that at all.  But neither do I think I should be expected to sit back and just accept such behavior without any recourse.  I don’t think any person should be expected to, yet nurses ARE.  I don’t really know what the answer is to hold these people responsible for their actions.  Or even just how much they should be held responsible when they truly are confused.  I don’t believe confusion should excuse any violent behavior, but I do understand they’re not necessarily even aware of what they’re doing at the time.  Neither is the person coming in for detox and coming off of coke or alcohol or meth.  It’s a tough situation and I understand each side of it. 

The closest I’ve ever come to charging someone at work with assault wasn’t a patient, but a physician.  I had been going to answer a question for him and as I walked off to find the answer for some unknown reason he chose to grab my arm to stop me… hard enough that it left a bruise.  I looked at his hand and then at his face and I have no idea what kind of expression I had on my face but he dropped his hand from my arm very, very quickly.  (This particular physician had a reputation for being verbally abusive to the nursing staff, but had never done anything physical like that to me before.)  I spoke to my nurse manager at length about it later that morning and she said she would support me should I choose to charge him with assault and agreed I would have every right to.  I had the bruise on my arm and about 3 witnesses to this scene.  Ultimately I chose not to, because I had to maintain a civil work relationship with him and he had realized he’d crossed a line.  Maybe I wimped out and maybe I made the right decision… I ended up moving away a few months later and it didn’t matter any more. 

So, I recently made the conscious decision to revamp my spending habits and basically make a new philosophy when it comes to spending money.  If I don’t absolutely need it, I don’t buy it.  And I gave some thought to other ways to cut costs.   One of those ways to check out two different “bargain” grocery stores near my house that advertise their very low prices.  Well,  that ended up really not saving me any money in the long run at all. 

The first store I went to charged you a quarter just to unlock a grocery cart to use while shopping.  Then they had a really poor selection of products.  And then they charged you 5 cents a bag to put your groceries in. 

The second store did let you use a cart for free and had a slightly better selection, but still pretty poor.  By the time I looked over each store and still couldn’t find a few items on my list and had to drive to a “regular” grocery store I realized that by the time I spent the time and gas searching for all the items on my shopping list, I hadn’t really saved any money at all.  I suppose it was worth a try. 

Yes, I have my car back!  Finally.  The cause of it ceasing to run only five miles from the shop the last time I picked it up was, again, the fault of the supplier who sold the shop some faulty parts.  So the shop spent the next few days after that getting it repaired for me and I’ve had it back a day and a half and it’s running great!  In fact, I trust it enough that when I left to run a few quick errands earlier today I forgot my cell phone upstairs in the apartment and when I realized that I didn’t bother going back upstairs to grab it. 

It’s so nice to have my car back!  I just love the freedom that comes from knowing I can pick up my car keys and leave my house to go where ever I wish, when ever I wish. 

Thank you to all of you who have listened to me whine and stress over this nightmare of a car problem.  My stress level has dropped considerably. 

At 5:50 pm I left the shop with my car all fixed, engine replaced.  About 50 ft out of the parking lot the check engine light came on.  Of course I immediately turned back into the shop parking lot and went inside.  The manager  himself brought some probe tester thingy out and after he did his thing said something to the effect that it’s just one of the sensors needing replaced and it’s still driveable (at that point it was running great, smoothly, and sounded great.)  He told me to bring it back in the morning and they’d change it while I waited, not a big repair.  So I went on my merry way and got on the freeway to make a circle to test drive it before I went home and changed clothes to get to work by 7 pm. 

Well… 5 miles from the shop, at the entrance to the hospital where I work, the car died!  And it wouldn’t restart.  It was like the little engine that thought it could and it tried and tried to restart, but just couldn’t.  So there I’m stuck in the entrance to the hospital blocking traffic.  One of our nice security guards came and helped me push it out of the way and I called the shop. 

The manager told me that it was probably the sensor being a bigger problem then he’d expected and in the morning he would get started figuring out which sensor it was, exactly, and get it fixed.  He gave me the phone number to the towing company they use and instructions to have the driver tow it back to the shop.  So I call and make arrangements to do that.  By this time it’s about 6:15 pm and I have no scrubs with me and no name badge and I need to wait for the tow truck driver.  So I run to the nursing supervisor’s office and explain the dilemma.  She very nicely tells me to breathe, relax, get the car towed and get home and change clothes and come back and work the last 8 hours of the shift at 11 pm. 

So the car got towed, I got home, and still have my neighbor’s car to drive.  I’m breathing deeply for a few minutes while I prepare to go to work and focus on being there.  I’m also wondering just what I may have done to deserve this hell I’m living through right now.  I just want this nightmare to be over!   

Just one more post about the car nightmare… This is just too crazy to be believed.

So, the car was towed to the shop two and a half weeks ago.  Six days after it was towed, I called to ask if they’d found a replacement engine yet.  Well, yes, just that day and it should be delivered the next day.  It ended up not being delivered until 2 or 3 days late.  A week after I was told it should be there the next day I was told they were just now taking the old engine out.  They got the old engine out, got the new one in, and it wouldn’t start… no spark.  After hours and hours of diagnostic tests they determined that the computer in the car that sends signals to the sensors on the engine was dead.  So they got a new computer and got it in.  The car started and ran… but… the used engine they’d bought that was supposed to be in great shape blew up!  It began to knock as soon as they started the car up and when they took it for a test drive the engine was smoking and blew up when they got back to the shop from the test drive.  So, they called the company they bought the engine from (it was under warranty, thank goodness) and already have another one delivered.  So now they have to install it and hope all goes smoothly with it.  But with all the delays and problems there have been so far, I’m really not counting on that!  I just can not believe the amount of bad luck I’ve encountered with this situation!

When I first woke up this afternoon and started planning this blog entry it was going to be one full of anger and frustration.  But a knock on my door this evening changed it to a story about the kindness of strangers.

I’ve come up with the money to have a new engine put in my car.  The shop that’s doing the work has had the car for just over 2 weeks now.  Every day since last Friday I’ve thought and been told “This is the day you get your car back.”  And every day it’s been one delay after another.  Yes, I know this is to be expected but it’s frustrating.  What’s making me angry is not only the delays but the shop’s lack of communication in keeping me up to date about the delays.  Every bit of information I’ve gotten from them has come only after I call them… they have not made any effort to call me to keep me informed.  The whole nightmare is just frustrating and I’m stressed over it. 

But a knock on my door this evening really changed my mood.  I have a neighbor across the hall, a very nice woman who moved in about four months ago.  She knocked on my door and did the most wonderfully kind thing!  She knows my car has been broken down because she’s not seen it in my assigned parking spot and had asked me about the rental car I had one day.  So she knocked on my door to tell me she recently bought a new car and will have her old car for another two weeks.  She offered me the use of it until then and gave me the key to it!  This woman barely knows me and had no reason to do this for me.  She is doing it simply to be kind.  I will really really hopefully have my car back any day now so won’t need to borrow hers for long, but having the use of it is just so helpful.  I am so very thankful for her offer!  I told her that, of course.  And I plan to buy her a nice plant arrangement or fruit basket or gift certificate somewhere to thank her for her kindness.  It is just so nice to know there are such kind people in the world!

Life definitely threw a lemon at me last night.  I was in my car when suddenly it made some horrible, awful noises.  Clanking, really bad noises.  It’s only 7 years old and never had any major problems at all before and gave no warnings that the engine was about to die a horrible death.  To make a long story short, the engine threw a fuel injector through the oil pan and the engine is ruined.  It is barely repairable, could be repaired, but it would cost about the same amount of money to just replace the engine.  So after deliberating about it, that is my plan.  Well, my more immediate plan is to save the money to pay for the new engine and it’s installation as quickly as I can.   Then to have the engine replaced and have my car back.

Until then, I will be using public transportation.  Something I haven’t done in several years.  But it’s my only feasible option at this point.  And as my sister pointed out, it’s environmentally friendly.  And if I keep a positive outlook about this, I can think of it as some forced down time to get lost in my thoughts and relax.  It’s not the end of the world.  I am safe, I still have a job and a way to get there and a roof over my head.  My basic needs are still being met.  So my mode of transportation to work may not be my first choice, but it is a way to make it there.  The bus stop I will be using to catch the bus to work is about eight blocks away.  Not bad at all.  The whole situation could be much worse.  I keep trying to hold on to that thought to get through the stress and disappointment. 

I had to have the car towed 50 miles home.  That was expensive.  And I was really kicking myself for having let my AAA membership lapse this past spring.  But I made it home safely… and that’s what’s really important, right? 

Tonight I went walking on the walking path for 30 minutes.  That’s the second night in a row and it felt great.  I had to quit walking about six weeks ago just before the surgery on my toe because it was just too painful.  But now that the surgery is over and healed well I got back to it.  I plan to make it back to the 45 minutes to an hour that I was walking each day, four times a week.  I want it to become a habit again. 

As I was walking tonight I had my iPod with me, as usual.  In a space of 25 minutes I heard Patsy Cline, The Stray Cats, Phil Collins, My Chemical Romance, and Ozzy Osbourne.  I chuckled to myself about the diverse range and my eclectic musical tastes.  I realized I’ve always like a wide range of music.  In high school my not-so-well-hidden secret was that I like country music and would listen to Daddy Don’t You Walk So Fast by Glen Campbell to fall asleep.  I joke sometimes that like the old Barbara Mandrell song goes, I was country when country wasn’t cool.  But that’s what I mostly grew up listening to.  Publicly I proclaimed my love for Motley Crue and my desire to marry the lead singer, Vince Neil, and bear his children.  That was much cooler at the time than liking country music.

I mentioned I mostly grew up listening to country music.  And that is what mom usually had on the radio.  But she also sang Puff the Magic Dragon to us as a lullabye and likes Billy Joel and would listen to The Cars with my sister and I.  So obviously I learned my varied musical tastes in part from my mom.  Yet another way I am indeed her daughter… as if there were ever any doubt. 

My sister is partly the cause of my eclectic musical tastes, as well.  She frequently mentions new musical artists to me to encourage me to listen to them.  And as teenagers she would often buy me albums of new artists she wanted me hear for birthday and Christmas presents. 

Lately my musical tastes have gotten even more eclectic as I’ve been listening to an online radio station at www.bglradio.net and being exposed to even more genres of music and more bands I may not have thought to listen to.  I have always wanted to think of myself as well rounded, and this is really fun for me to hear a new song I may not have thought to give a chance before and think “Hey, I really like that song.”   

So thanks to everyone who has played a role in developing my varied musical tastes.  I appreciate it!