I went to see the doctor this morning for an infection in my toe.  Had been to a stat care last week and on antibiotics that were helping some but not completely.  This was a follow up appointment with another doctor.  Silly stuff, right?  I walked out of the office with surgery scheduled for next Friday.  I’m not really sure how that happened and I’m nervous.

The doctor I saw today said “You know, it isn’t an ingrown toe nail.  It looks more like a bone spur.  Let’s do some x-rays and find out.”  Ok, sure.  He’s the doctor.  About 10 minutes later he walks back into the exam room and says “Yes, it is a bone spur.  So now let’s talk about our treatment options.”

The first option was take the toe nail off in the office to help the infection under the nail heal.  That addressed only half of the problem, though.  That wouldn’t help the discomfort and deformity from the bone spur.  Neither of those are going to go away on their own.  If we took the nail off in the office today I could put off the surgery to remove the bone spur and do it later.  That was one option.  But that would mean removing the toe nail again if we didn’t do the surgery in the next few months.  And it just so happens that I’m off on vacation starting next Friday.  Yes, the day of my surgery.  I’m off work for a week and don’t have any strenuous plans.  So the timing made sense to go ahead and do it.  

But I really don’t want to do this.  I’ve never had any surgery as an adult.  And I’m a wuss.  I’m nervous about it.  I don’t like needles.  (Ok, so I give people injections at work all the time, but that’s different.)  And my mom won’t be nearby.  She’s always the first person I call when I’m sick or in pain.  And I’m sure I’ll be talking to her often that afternoon and over the weekend.  It really will be fine and I won’t have to spend the night. I’ll be home that afternoon.  And I’m having it done at my hospital where I work, so I know I’ll be in good hands.  I even called a coworker I know on the orthopedic floor to ask what she knows about the doctor who will be doing the surgery.  (She didn’t have anything negative to say.) 

I reassure patients at work all the time the night before they have surgery.  I calm their fears the best I can.  But yet I can’t calm my own right now.  Go figure!  Not that I’m a basket case over it or anything but it’s on my mind.  Anyway… enough of the worrying.  I’m off to listen to some happy music and do some housework.   

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