Diabetes sucks.  That is a fact.  I have diabetes.  Also a fact.  And lately that’s really been bothering me… frustrating me… making me mourn the days I could eat whatever I wanted whenever I wanted without having to give a single thought to my food consumption.  Those days are gone… and ain’t never coming back.  What is also a fact is that it is in my power how I choose to deal with this.  I can choose to be in denial, eat poor food choices, and eventually (probably sooner rather than later) have to pay the price for that.  But as a nurse, I’ve seen up close the price that not controlling your blood sugar costs.  And that is one high price.  I’m not willing to pay it.  So, that only leaves doing the best I can to control my blood sugar.  That is what I am choosing to do.  It’s helping me to think of it in terms of it being my choice rather than something I’m being forced to do.  Just ask my mom… I don’t particularly like being told what to do.  :)  Speaking of my mom, I had an interesting conversation with her the other morning that was probably more helpful than she realized.  I was venting about not being able to eat whatever I want, whenever I want.  She said “So, do it.”  I replied something to the effect that that’s just not an option if I want to stay healthy.  So she pointed out the only option left is to accept it.  My mom really does have a way of getting to point.  She wasn’t being cruel or unkind.  She was helping me see I do have a choice.  So I’m feeling a renewed motivation to make good food choices.  This morning my fasting blood sugar was 95 (and that was after only 2 hours of sleep in the past 24 hours) and after I ate my healthy breakfast my blood sugar was only 101.  So I was pleased about that.  I’m back to feeling like I really can get the hang of this.  It’s also helped to think of terms of nothing being completely verboten.  I can still eat any thing I want.  It’s the portion I need to change.  I just need to fit it into my total carbs for the day.  That’s helped me not feel so restricted.  And I realized I need to give myself time.  It’s been 5 months since my diagnosis.  This is a lifelong disease.  It’s ok to have up and down days… as long as I move on from the down days and learn from them.  So that’s what I’m trying to do.  Today is Easter and it’s fitting that I’m feeling this way today.  Easter, to me, has always meant a time of renewal and fresh starts.  I wish you all a blessed and Happy Easter and thank you for listening to my rambling, as always.

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